My pals at the Reading Reptile, who will stop at almost nothing to remain the only independent bookstore in the Kansas City area, have worked up a new venture. When I first received word of this latest escapade from the reptiles, it seemed a lot like begging, but then I realized that's how corporations stay in business, except corporations ask for really large amounts of money and you get nothing in return, so why not the small venture capitalist? Besides, the reptiles are offering things in return for your support. And if you don't help them, they are liable to go the way of Dutton's, the venerable LA bookstore that just bit the bin.OK. Truth in lending. There are a few other independent bookstores in the KC area; they just aren't nearly as interesting as the Reading Reptile.
There's that bookstore that burns books in a giant iron cauldron once a month to draw attention to the fact that "no one reads anymore" to which my reaction is, "uhh...excuse me, then how do you explain the fact that you've been able to remain in business for so long?"
Then there's that other bookstore run by those not-always-so-friendly faces across the state line. Forgive me, but I'm used to going a bookstore where there is an ongoing give and take, a discourse if you will, about things in life, of which books are but a part. Yes, granted, and important one. And I like going to a bookstore where folks are happy to see me - most of the time. And know a joke when they see one. And aren't afraid to tell one. And aren't afraid of a little criticism of the books they sell. There's a lot of books out there and I'm a fan of many, but not all of them. Some of them suck.
True, sometimes the arguments (and I mean that in the classic sense of the word) do get a little heated in the center ring at the Reptile, but generally when that happens, bitterman and I go out back and settle it like, well like intellectuals...we blow cigarette smoke in each others face. And then see who can fart the loudest.
So back to the not-always-so-friendly little store in the uppity part of town. Just last week I went there to purchase a signed copy of the Laura and Jenna Bush book, which I must say, is one of the dumbest books ever perpetrated upon the public. It's sophomoric, it has no soul, and it sucks. It's dehumanizing to children everywhere. Never-the-less, in the spirit of a m.o.i. piece, I was there plunking down some hard-earned dollars to purchase this crappy book so I could take it home and drive a spike through it and make it ART. But before I could say out loud, "what kind of Republican writes this horseshit", there before me was a tray of CUPCAKES. Little tiny CUPCAKES. Frosted in pastel colors. And who doesn't like a cupcake? I asked, in the spirit of inquiry and democracy for all people, "what's with the cupcakes?""Oh." came the stilted reply, "its for __ [unintelligible] who's having a book signing. It's kinda of a quaint, endearing book. We thought cupcakes would be appropriate."
"Why?" I asked, "is she a cupcake?"
The stare was cold and harsh from across the counter. "Well! I don't know about that. But she has written a book!" said the clerk handing me my bag of blubbery shubbery.
"Well let's hope it's better than the Bush book." I said grabbing a chocolate one, with lemon icing, on my way out, "even so, she could still be a cupcake."
Elsewhere:
debt depletion day at the reptile