barry us bonds and the chinese gold medal herbal mix

Spring training will soon be getting underway to alleviate the sufferings of our sports-addicted nation and with it, so will Barry US Bonds' perjury trial, set to begin March 1st. The timing couldn't be better for star-crazed fans as the Oscar shenanigans will have just ended and the celebrity culture will be looking for a new face to shine its bright light upon. Expect shots of Barry, a natty dresser with attitude, looking grim in Armani as he enters the court room. Bonds, who made almost as many enemies as he did fans during his playing years runs the risk of becoming the next Pete Rose - that of the greatest player of his generation who isn't in the Hall of Fame. The much blacker Bonds however, is much more likely to find himself behind bars, because in this country black men all too frequently have 3 options: 1) President (currently occupied); 2) play sports (Bonds is retired); or 3) prison.

Speaking of prison, some sheriff in South Carolina wants to send Michael Phelps to jail for taking a bong hit. Surely the county prosecutor has told Sheriff B. Fife that a picture of someone smoking a bong doesn't necessarily mean it was filled with marijuana, thus making conviction difficult. In Phelps' case, for example, it could have been filled with a special mix of Chinese herbs known affectionately as the Gold Medal Mix.

More importantly it would seem that perhaps Phelps illustrates that it's possible to win 8 Gold Medals (if you count all his Olymic and World Championships he has won 40 Gold medals) and still smoke a little reefer. Instead of using Phelps as an argument for more imprisonment in the land-of-the-free AND the criminal, perhaps we can use this to come to terms with the fact that there is no reason, other than our puritanical views, to not legalize this substance.

into the clear

Ahead in the count 2-0, Barry Bonds struck out today against his arch rival the United States of America. Bonds, who currently holds the all-time home record for ballplayers with asteriks tatooed on their forehead, vowed to drive the 7th District Magistrate's weak fastball of a case into the bay during their next meeting.
Above. Limited edition 18 U.S.C.1832(a) "perjury" commemmorative baseball
see also:
m.o.i.: can't touch this*
m.o.i.: name your price
m.o.i.: serious inquiries only
m.o.i.: yankees on hgh
m.o.i: the real problem in baseball
m.o.i: this one's a bitch
m.o.i: got hgh?

can't touch this*

How good is Barry Bonds?

*Arguably the best hitter in the history of the game. Here's how.

Seven time MVP and 13-time All-Star.

All-time home-run leader @ 757 (and counting).

All-time walks leader @ 2541 (and counting).

All-time intentional walk leader @ 645 (and counting).

Single season MLB records set in 2004. Walks (232), intentional walks (120), on-base pct. (.609), and Home run percent (12.06).

Single season MLB records set in 2001. Home-runs (73), slugging percentage (.863), and home run ratio (6.52).

Only player to ever steal 500 bases and hit 500 home runs.

1,398 extra-base hits , 2nd all-time.

Lifetime .298 batting average.

Lifetime .608 slugging percentage. 6th all-time.

1983 RBI's (and counting). 5th all-time.

2916 hits (and counting).

599 doubles (and counting). all-time.

77 triples (and counting, very, very slowly).

And one of only 7 players to reach base more than 5,000 times. These 7 are:
Pete Rose (5,929 times), Ty Cobb (5,532), Barry Bonds (5,370 - and counting), Rickey Henderson (5,343), Carl Yastrzemski (5,304), Stan Musial (5,282) and Aaron (5,205).

Ok, so you don't like him. He's arrogant, moody, and an asshole. So are some of your friends. Bonds is a ballplayer. A good one. He's probably a better ballplayer than your friends, but it's likely there's things they can do better than anyone else. Being a good ballplayer qualifies you to be, well, a ballplayer. After that you're on your own. Make the most of it.
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stats source: mlb.com

Baseball. Marked 757 and signed Barry Bonds, "Catch me now sucka". Not for sale.

name your price

Baseball. Marked 756 and signed Barry Bonds, "Top this chump!"

Not for sale.

serious inquiries only

For sale.

Commemorative one-of-a-kind baseball. Marked 755 and signed "with love, Barry Bonds"

Bids to begin @ $25,000 and proceed in increments of $5,000.

All proceeds to benefit WADA.

transforming the creature from the black lagoon

Wow what a strange week. Dick Cheney got a new heart (from a baboon?), half the field of Le Tour got throw out for taking dope, and a rookie from Discovery Channel, Alberto Contador took home the yellow and white jerseys. Oh yeah, 75,000 people showed up for the Hall of Fame induction ceremony for Cal Ripken Jr. and Tony Gywnn while Bud Selig and Barry Bonds waited on the sidelines as though the world was the same this year as the last.

Correction. m.o.i. was able to obtain the above photo of Dick Cheney's heart, obviously NOT from a baboon, but more likely from a creature from another planet.