dancin' fools

Last word on the conventions. We promise.
First up the Dems.

Perhaps the only thing funnier than watching Democratic delegates trying to dance to 70's r&b is watching the Republicans trying to dance to smooth jazz and kornpone kountry. Kick it.

And now for an endearing message brought to you by the Party that likes to scare the living bejesus out of you.

it's all about the kids

Rudy G. Before 9/11 he sucked as Mayor of NY City. After 9/11 he sucked as a Presidential candidate. But at least he's still got 9/11.

kill them, kill them all

Here's what I don't understand about the Republicans. Supposedly they're pro-life. All about the life. Grandma Palin, she's a double-blessing of life, with the Down and out-of-wedlock babies. I congratulate her. I really do. However, I might suggest that a marriage founded on a pregnancy isn't typically the strongest one for a life-time commitment. There are exceptions to everything. I wish them the best.

Speaking of exceptions. If the GOP is so pro-life, then why are they always bragging about killing things. Ducks. Pheasants. Moose. Bears. It walks. They shoot it. And that's not all. Criminals. Zzzzzz. Terrorists. Blam! Enemy combatants. BlamBlam! Innocent civilians. Boom Boom. The planet. Everything must die.

Seems like the only safe place from the Republicans is in the womb. Once you're born, it's open season.

grandma and grandpa irresponsible

Agreed. The lives of the children should not be political fodder. I must remind you of a John McCain quote (he told it as a joke), "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno." That was 10 years ago when Chelsea Clinton was 18 years old. I guess a decade is long enough for folks to forget, that besides being a senile tyrant, McCain's a sexist homophobe.

The lives of the parents, especially if they want to be the Vice-President of the United States are another matter altogether. If, as a parent, Governor Sarah Palin didn't have the sense to tell her 16-year old daughter about birth control, then she (the GOP VP-nominee) acted irresponsibly and has absolutely no business anywhere near the White House. None. She wants to be a Charismatic Christian. Fine. Great. Sunday morning or around the kitchen table, Praise the Lord, Pass the Biscuits. But not on the White House lawn. Debate creationism? Sure. But in the religion, not the science, class. Just don't expect to take this myopia to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It has no business there.

As a parent, who once had a 16-year daughter, I was all about suggesting that sex at that age wasn't a good idea but...please if you must, use birth control. And while you're talking, please also tell your children that it's not a good idea to drink, do drugs, and skip school. Good luck with all that Grandma Palin.

But for God's sake folks, Sarah Palin wants to be Vice-President of the United States! She was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. A town of 5,000 people when she was elected. This was a mayor who's idea of progress was a big box store, a Target, and lo and behold, she stood up to the powers-that-be and got one! WhooHoo, what a reformer. Now the main street family businesses can expect to shrivel up and die. Her son is being shipped to Iraq and this qualifies her to be a National Security Advisor? and possibly the Commander-in-Chief? We, as a country, are not that friggin' crazy. Not yet. Anyway.

I've heard some conservatives say that because of the way she's handled her family affairs, they're excited about having someone who's had the same kind of problems they've had. That tells me that a lot there's a lot of shotgun Republican weddings, but again, I remind you, bad luck and dumb mistakes are not good qualifications for the Presidency.

This whole thing just underscores to me how cynical the Republicans are about these matters. It doesn't matter who's in the White House, because the fat cats run the show and everyone else (including if need be, the Vice President) isn't relevant.

circus ponies and peanuts

The GOP is quickly proving that they are no longer relevant in this country. It's day 2 of their convention and they haven't even released a schedule of who is speaking when and where. Why? If you're doing the same old, same old, it doesn't matter. You don't even have to hold a convention except to seal the back-room deals with the lobbyists, war-profiteers, and religious zealots.

El Presidento will invoke 9/11 and lots of people will get teary-eyed about the Pledge of Allegiance and Silver Stars. Forget specifics America, here's a gob of doodo, now smile, act pretty, and salute!

No thanks. Enough. America. Enough.

republicans set to eliminate hurricanes

The timing of Hurrican Gustav couldn't be better for the much maligned Republicans. The Party of War Profiteers was all set to unveil their All New Hurricane Prevention Plan during the Minnesota convention, one that would that replace the few remaining acres of coastal wetlands with oil derricks and thus protect us once and for all from Mother Nature's mischievous cousin, Global Climate Disruption. Now it's likely this platform issue won't be debated on live television but can instead be worked over in the back room over bourbon and cigars.

But reports that Gustav will wreak havoc with the convention are a little premature. Seems as though, as Mayor Nagen likes to call it, the mother-of-all storms will just allow the Republicans to stay on message and continue to underscore one of their core platforms, "Want help? Then pray real hard."

she makes me feel so young

McGruff the Crime Dog attempted to cement the geezer white men vote by selecting a former beauty queen and Miss Congeniality, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, to be his Vice-Presidential running mate. We knew he a thing for Bullocks, but this is carrying it a bit far.

Gov. Palin doesn't believe the global warming models are "reliable" but does think Jesus can save bin Laden from the deep grip of Al Qeada. Two things are required of any Republican who seeks the nation's highest office. Stay on message and lie. Or perhaps they're just dull. Palin's observations on global warming are especially vain in light of recent evidence that the least amount of Arctic sea ice ever measured in the past 30 years was measured this summer (by next week may it may well turn out to be the least). Considering that she's governor of a state that relies, in part, on an Arctic ecosystem for sustenance and frozen tundra to support the Alaskan pipeline, this strikes us as, well, most Republican.

Poor McCain. If he could pull his arms out of the Bush adminstration's ass and lift them to his shoulder, perhaps Palin would take him moose hunting. Or they could hunt polar bears swimming for their life in the open water. The sooner we kill all the bears, the sooner we don't have to protect them. I guess Cheney, one man who's never tired of killing things, will have to go in McCain's stead.