ursus americanus

who's your daddy? by Warrior Ant Press Worldwide Anthill Headquarters in Kansas City, Missouri, USA.

I've long had a fascination with bears. The big ones. Known as the grizzly down south, the brown up north - ursus arctos horriblus. It hasn't taken me yet down the Timothy Treadwell path, and lacking both Treadwell's curly blond locks and his death wish, it's unlikely I'd ever get far down that road. But I would really like to encounter a bear. In the woods. Someday.

The Republicans, who as a lot appear as wary of science as they are of Hollywood, except when figuring out new ways to send a drill stem 5 miles down into the Gulf of Mexico love to poo pah taking a scientific view of world. Regardless that science offers the only credible way to discover new information about how the world works. If not science, then what - a guess? McGruff the Crime Dog loves to tell the story of the bear DNA and how much it costs. He likes to get all folksy with the tale, "perhaps they needed to find out whose hands was in the honey jar?" Blah blah blah. McCain understands science as well as he understands the economy. He can't understand the economy because he can't understand science. The flyboy, who finished 5th from the bottom of his class at Navy must have skipped more than one calculus class to get hammered. Remember the last President who skipped classes to get hammered? He's still in office.

Turns out the bear DNA project, more rightly called the Northern Divide Grizzly bear project was supported by pretty much everyone in Montana. The Republican governor, the farmers, the ranchers, the environmentalists. Everyone. Why? The principle objective of the project was to determine how many grizzlies lived in the Northern Continental Divide Ecosystem considered to be one of the last strongholds for the grizzly. These data are important because as grizzly bear populations declined throughout the late 1960's and early 1970's, the Fish and Wildlife Service set guidelines on population management and development in the range of the bear to insure it's well-being. Well how do you know if the management is working if you don't count the bears? How can you de-list the bears unless you can show the populations have recovered?

Turns out grizzlies don't really care much about being counted. They don't really care for people, but will eat our food if we leave it scattered about in their native habitat. They avoid us mostly and keep to themselves. They stay up late and sleep even later. The don't like to be poked, prodded, or put in traps and hauled off to wear skirts and prance around a circus ring. And they don't like flyovers by black helicopters. So how then does one count the bears?

Barbed wire, that twisted strand of old west lore, has many uses, including pulling out small amounts of bear hair from the unsuspecting giant. DNA is then extracted from the hair and the sex, species, and identity of the bear can be determined. The technique, like a lot of science data collection methods, turns out to be a combination of simple, yet very effective techniques combined with state-of-the-art analytical machines.

Researchers stretch 100 feet of barb-wire around 4 trees in a remote wilderness area. The barb wire is high enough off the ground so that most animals go under it, but just high enough that a bear either has to step on it, or crawl underneath it to approach a lure pile. A lure pile is a scented pile of logs with no reward in the center - except stink. The bear is attracted to the smell, investigates, then pulls apart the log pile looking for food, and finding none, leaves. Bear skin is so thick and tough that the barb wire doesn't penetrate it, and when the bears enter and leave the lure piles small bits of hair get trapped on the wire. Researchers come along, catalogue the hair, bring it back to the lab where they extract the DNA and determine if the bears are related to any of the OJ posse currently on trial in Las Vegas.

Although this project was expensive, it's actually less expensive than previous techniques of helicopter flyovers and steel traps. Plus the public doesn't really dig the helicopters that much. Nor the bear traps. One reason this project was expensive was that the study area is huge. The bears are spread over 7.75 million acres of largely undeveloped, roadless wilderness. It took several hundred people to collect the 34,000 samples that make up the database and the cooperation of more than a dozen governmental partners, three states, and 2 countries. Who says the government doesn't work together to solve problems? The DNA analyses were likely but a small part of the overall budget.

The upshot of all this, and the reason the science-challenged Republicans ought to be celebrating is that there turns out to be many more grizzly bears than imagined. Almost 3 times as many as determined in previous counts. So many that they may in fact no longer have to be listed as endangered. So it's funny that the outcome is very much something the Republicans might embrace, the de-listing of a species, yet they mock it on the campaign trail. Development in an area with threatened or endangered species, especially a species with the public presence of the grizzly bear is difficult. Removing them from the endangered and threatened list would make things a lot simpler for many out west but even if that happens you still won't be able to shoot a bear from a plane. Unless you live in Alaska and have your own level of protection from the law.

elsewhere:
grizzly bear project with video

favorite sundance story by Warrior Ant Press Worldwide Anthill Headquarters in Kansas City, Missouri, USA.

My friend Robb brings this story back from Sundance. He went to the Dance, as he now calls it, to try and learn how to get a film in the Dance, which he discovered isn't easy. He's got a film, and it's traveled a short circuit, but he'd like to take it up the mountain so-to-speak. Robb's not very patient with pretense so it wasn't long before he tired of the bling bullshit and headed out for some back-country snowshoeing. He figured all the hot shots would be skiing and if he opted for something more pedestrian then he could more likely find some solitude.

So he finds a place to rent some shoes, which he said was pretty easy, and then he hitches a ride to a state park not far out of town where they have snowshoeing and cross-country skiing. Unknown to Robb, it's also a trail head for snowmobilers, which Robb despises in the backcountry because of the noise.

Robb said it wasn't too bad once he got a mile or so out, but the parking lot was just yowling with all these Parka People - that's what he called them. All the latest hi-tech gear and you could see they hadn't been off-trail in their life, but here they were, with the best guide that money could rent, and ready to go tackle the great outdoors.

So Robb goes and does his thing. Has a great time, lot's of fresh powder, solitude, can only occasionally hear the whine of the mobile in the distance. Gets back to the lot and he's hanging out, sorta checking people out, trying to figure out which one of these folks might not be so uptight as to give him a ride back to town. There's this one guy, and Robb can tell by looking at him that he's some kind of money, Lexus sedan, 200 dollar shades, tan, and a blond in the front seat. Complete stereotype of the nouveau riche, but Robb says he can't take his eyes off the girl, she's so drop-dead gorgeous. Well they're dicking around getting their shit together, eating a granola bar, sipping a cappacino or something, and the guy has got his trunk open and the stereo blasting like he's some kind of gansta'. Thumpin' away, and the whole time Robb says the fuckwad is yakking on the phone like he's trying to close some huge deal or something and never saying a word to the girl. Robb's watching this whole thing and can't believe it, and then there's the girl, Robb just can't take his eyes off the girl.

Here's where it gets unreal. Robb's hanging out, chilling, looking around, when this black bear comes sauntering into the lot, nosing around, out of nowhere. Now this time of year, this bear should be snoozing, so Robb, who's never ever even seen a bear, much less one this close, so Robb is watching the bear very intently and wishing he hadn't left his camera back in town, but the bear seems intent only on finding some grub as he makes his way around the parking lot.

The bear is nosing around looking for food, and after awhile he sees the trunk open on this dude's Lexus. So he goes over and starts rummaging through the trunk. Shit starts flying out the trunk, shoes, luggage, a briefcase, all kinds of stuff as the bear is looking for food. Robb is watching this whole thing, kinda in shock. Then he hears the woman say, "OH MY GOD!" and she punches her partner in the shoulder. Well, then the dude looks in the rear-view mirror and then he gets out of the car, and then this next part is just unbelievable.

Robb watches the guy, walk quietly, very quietly, to the back of the car. The bear has his paws on the back of car and his head in the trunk and by this time the bear's found some food so he, the bear, isn't really paying attention to anything but his prize. Robb watches the guy walk up and slam the trunk lid down as hard as he can on the bear's head and paws.

When this happens the bear jumps up and the guy takes off running and the bear after him, but he quickly knows enough not to keep running so he stops. And then the bear stops. And they just look at each other. The bear does a fake charge, which just about makes the guy shit his pants, but then the bear goes right back to the trunk.

Then, unbelievably, after a few minutes of being at a standstill, the guy walks up to the trunk and THWAKK! does the exact same thing, this time even harder. Trunk down on the bears paws and then the guy backs away. The bear kinda lets out a yelp, looks up at the guy like he's going to eat him, and then back to the food in the trunk.

Robb can hear the woman in the front just kinda whimpering, "Please be careful honey. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Got it covered. Don't worry. This bear's going to rue the day..."

Ok, here's where it gets really crazy.

The guy has smashed this bear's paws twice and lived to tell about it. You'd think by now he would have known better, that maybe he saw that Treadwell movie or something. But no, the bear is still rooting around in his trunk and he wants to go. He's in a hurry. Deal time or something. Who knows? So the man goes up to the trunk and for the THIRD time, BLLAMM! slams the trunk down on the bear's paws! Even harder than before. But he doesn't run he just stands there like he's challenging the bear.

The bear stands up, looks over at the guy, makes a few grunts, then the bear reaches over and takes his paw behind the man's neck, pushes the man's head down into the trunk, and SSLAMMM! as hard as he can, the bear slams the trunk down on the man's head, and then the bear turns and ambles away.