michael jackson invokes mc hammer

Can't touch this.

What is it about famously rich pop singers and bad taste? Surely I wasn't the only one who found the Kind of Pop's secret fetish for bronze figurines of children holding balloons to be creepy.

tea-bagging is fun AND profitable

Now that the weird National Holiday has passed, conservatives are massing at the border to make at run at Facebook. Hey, why are you surprised? Your parents tried to ruin it, so why not Glenn Beck?

OK. I don't purport to be an expert on the tea party business but it does seem that whenever these folks are quoted in the media (sometimes they are the media) they offer no specifics. They're just unhappy with the government. Yesterday, the local organizer for the Mission, KS event was quoted as saying "no, it wasn't about taxes" (this while standing in front of the post office on tax day) but instead was about "government spending".

She went on to complain about TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) and pork-barrel spending. We have to get government spending under control. Then she stated that what she wanted was for more of the tax dollars to stay local - which is kind of funny, since that's exactly where the TARP and pork-barrel dollars end up. And the sad truth about the facts which typically get left on the floor when the rhethorical banner gets hoisted. Federal taxes haven't gone up. The taxes that continue to increase are state and local taxes. It's a weird thing.

deliberate, careful, and scientific

An atomic approach to stimulating our nation's economy.

portugese water torture dog

Another sign of the differences between the Bush and Obama Adminstration. Bush was a cat person; Obama a dog lover. Also, the Bush Administration was fond of water-boarding as a form of torture and the Obama Administration announced today that the latest addition, after Katherine Sebilius, to join the team is Bo, a Portugese Water Torture Dog.

For those of you who may not know, the Portugese Water Torture Dog is a working breed. Although originally a seafaring breed, with the economic downturn and loss of many pleasure craft due to the expensive of maintaining them, many Portugese Water Torture Dog have been forced to take on second jobs to assist their owners with the cost of maintaining their elegant lifestyles. One of the most popular jobs, given the affable nature, stamina, and water skills of the breed, has to been to work as magician assistants - which is the reason for the recent name change by the American Kennel Club.

The most famous Portugese Water Torture Dog was Houdini the Hairy Black and White, who perfected the trick for which the breed is named. In this trick. the dog's owner is first shackled, and the submerged upside down, in a large glass tank. The dog then has six minutes (less if the owner is not in near perfect shape) to free his master from the tank. If successful, it's typical for the owner to reward the animal with a fancy dog treat.

money shot

Surprisingly, none of the pundits who were cheering for a Michigan State victory over North Carolina in Monday's National Championship as a metaphorical symbol that Detroit was on the road to recovery and that a State victory might mark the beginning of a much needed turn around of the US auto industry, have gone on record to reinterpret the meaning of a loss. Carolina, which in two games this season, drubbed State by a total of 52 points, drove the symbolic last nail in the good-old-days coffin. If folks were hoping to find a Spartan dancing around a pot o' gold at the end of the financial rainbow Monday evening, it did not happen. Although, a small miracle did occur near the end of the celebration. Rainbow Head John 3:16 was there as the trophy was hoisted and managed to find his way into the money shot.

band of brothers: ethan hawke, kris kristofferson, toby keith, and willie nelson

Here's the latest on the story that rocked the Country Music Channel this past weekend. It's Country Music's biggest controversy since Alabama discovered that Shania Twain was Canadian and Vince Gill learned that Patsy Cline's protege, k.d. lang, was gay.

Toby Keith says report of exchange with Kris Kristofferson is "100 Percent Fiction"

According to the Rolling Stone article, Toby Keith emerged from the theater's basement to wish Nelson a happy birthday before telling Kristofferson, "None of that lefty shit out there tonight, Kris." The report goes on to say that Kristofferson replied, "What the fukc did you just say to me?" and that Kristofferson followed it up by asking, "You ever worn your country's uniform?" Kristofferson reportedly then told Keith, "You heard the question. You just don't like the answer," and asked again, "Have you ever served your country?' The answer is, no, you have not. Have you ever killed another man? Huh? Have you ever taken another man's life and then cashed the check your country gave you for doing it? No, you have not. So shut the fukc up!"

And now Kris Kristofferson says the "dispute never happened."

So last evening, to settle the dispute once and for all and to get our citizens once again focused on the Flag as a symbol for All That is Good in the World, a first in the history of the Grand Ole Opry occurred. A wrestling ring, yes, a full-sized WWF wrestling ring was erected center-stage at the Opry and the three men at the center of the controvers squared off in a Country Music Celebrity Death Match.

"It's a country death match, like chicken-fried steak with a side of gravy," Vince Mann announced to the crowd, "no one leaves the ring until the truth has been told or the last man perishes trying."

And this is the way it went down. For the first 5 minutes of the match Ethan, Kris, and Toby trade round house blows and flying kicks. Each spends significant time lying prone on the canvas only to be rejuvenated just seconds prior to being counted out. Then, just when the wiry Hawke appeared to have gained the upper hand on his larger, more muscled opponents, Kris and Toby simultaneously agreed to go at Hawke together. Togther they pummelled Hawke relentlessly for the next 5 minutes, opening cuts in Hawke's forehead, until finally they grabbed the near lifeless actor and heaved him over the ropes like a sack of potaotes. Hawke landed on the press table which collapsed in a heap and sent reporters scurrying for saftey.

Kris and Toby then strutted around the ring to the tune of I'm an Okie from Muskogee. Hawke slowly regained consciousness after which he grabbed a reportor's mike and proceeded to tell Kristofersson that he was a pussy-whupped old man and that Toby was his back-room, flag-as-a-hajib wearing, secret lover. Toby and Kris beckon Hawke to the ring so they can kill him, but Hawke knew better. For the next 5 minutes, Hawke pranced around the perimeter of the ring until both Keith and Kristofferson were foaming like rabid dogs and the crowd was yelling for a quick kill. Of Hawke.

Then suddenly, much to every one's surprise, but mostly Kristofferson's, Hawke suddenly slide beneath the ropes, and kicked Kris's legs out from beneath him. Hawke then quickly jumped on Kris's stomach and when Kris moved to protect his sensitive parts, Hawke did a real stomp on his face, breaking the aged crooner's nose in two places.

When Toby tried to counter attack, Hawke threatened to break Kris's arm. Toby momentarily dropped his guard just long enough for Hawke to pull a flying reverse kung fu move that dropped Keith into a quivering, unconscious heap on the canvas. Hawke, who now appeared to sense the potential for complete and utter vindication of the liberal lifestyle then positioned the big men on top of one another with Keith's face nestled in Kristoffeson crotch.

By now, the crowd was going absolutely berserk and semed ready to bum rush the ring. A chair came flying into the ring. Hawke snatched it up and placed in on Keith's back and then Hawke climbed the corner turnstile and prepared to launch himself into space and simultaneously crush both men. Miraculously, at this moment, Willie Nelson emerged from a backlit stage, and proceeded to stun Hawke into submission with his cane. Willie then grabbed the mike and started singing. Willie's song, albeit horribly off key, had the effect of slowly waking first Kristoferson, and then Toby.

Willie then took off his flag bandannas and wrapped the injured Kristofferson's head. The two then joined Willie center ring as they sang a moving, teary-eyed tribute of medleys to our fallen soldiers. The crowd joined in, everyone stood, and the Oprey house spontaneously erupted in a the chorus of America the Beautiful. Someone passed a flag to the ring, which Toby grabbed and ran around the ring like he's just won the Olympic Gold Medal. The crownd noise was nearly defeaning.

However, Willie, always sentimental after smoking some good weed, quickly stopped Keith, took the flag from him and attended to the nearly unconscious Hawke. Kris doused Hawke with a lite beer, also handed up from the crowd, and together Willie and Kris were able to resuscitate their fallen comrade.

Hawke, now wearing the colors that never run about his shoulder, apologized to Willie, Toby, Kris, and the assembled throng of fans. He begged forgiveness but the crowd just jeered. Only after Hawke announced that he would donate the proceeds of his next film to a non profit dedicated to helping homeless vets does the crowd begin to soften. Mikey Rourke, sitting ringside, then climbed the corner of the ring and began pounding his chest like a 15-year old. The crowd responsded mightily and roared unconditional love as Kris, Toby, and Ethan Hawke slowly faded into the wings like a Band of Brothers. In the end, Willie looked up at Rourke balancing precariously on the edge of the ropes and yelled to the crowd, "I'm the best in the world!" which enticed Rourke to launch himself immediately at the old troubadour and thus Round 2 began.

your tax dollars at work

The Obama administration, reversing 18 years of military secrecy and media manipulation, has begun to allow the press to cover the return of fallen US soldiers. Bringing the true costs of the war home to American citizens is one of the ways the Administration hopes to garner public support for our eventual withdrawal from this conflict.

epic battle: star wars versus crosby, stills, nash & young

"America's future rests in a thousand dreams inside your hearts. It rests in the message of hope in songs of a man so many young Americans admire, New Jersey's Bruce Springsteen." -Incumbent Presidential Candidate Ronald Reagan during a campaign stop in 1984.

When I watch this political ad from a bygone day I am reminded at just how slow America is to change. It also illustrates just how long we have been working on many of the same economic and social justice issues that still confront this nation.

The campaign commercial is from the 1984 Walter Mondale/Geraldine Ferraro run against the Ronald Reagan/Pappy Bush re-election bid. Weird that it was almost 30 years ago and perhaps weirder still, the themes echoed in this spot aren't that much different than those brought forth by the Democrats in 2008. We're still fighting the same battles, the same view of how our country should look that we fought 25 years ago. At the time, many thought that surely the country would opt for teaching their children rather than building Star Wars weapons of mass-destruction. Actually when talking about the Star Wars missile defense system we should really be talking about weapons of non-destruction since they never seemed to work. Then the votes were counted and Reagan was reelected by the one of the largest landslides in history.

Sometimes I think we are fooled by how easy it seems to be to listen in on the candidates, the pundits who cover them, and the myriad of conversations from laypersons about America's problems. Just because people are constantly shouting at each other doesn't mean anyone is taking the time to listen to each anyone's rhethoric. And this includes their own, for if they were, many ought be embarassed by their own message.

obamas dopey response

President Obama, who still thinks we can win a war in Afghanistan fighting terrorists, looks like a dope with his cookie-cutter response against legalizing marijauana.

pounded in the low post

Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser was the lone dissenting vote in yesterday's budget approval by the city council. Since finances are supposed to be the Mayor's strong suit, his failure to have much of an impact on the budget process is another sad illustration of his inability to lead the council. They pretty much decided after some of his earlier shenanigans to just go ahead and make decisions without him. Should the Mayor move to veto the budget, given that the council is solidly stacked in opposition, the council would quickly override it and this action could only serve to further weaken what little power the Mayor has left.

council pounds budget past mayor.

i love this country

Maria Kalman provides an antidote to political cynicism.

hoi polloi: depression-era comedy

Pete Meade imagines Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, and Benito del Toro as the new Stooges. It might have been called You Suck at Photoshop.

im alive!!!!

And you thought my posts were nutty. From the Daily Show archives.

03.20.09 at 09:34pm
hello world!!! I finally got a lap top and it works. neibhor must have wi fi. because here i am. 41 yrs old and i havent a clue what the hell i'm doing,like a kid in a candy store ive been surfin the last two days.the daily show with jon stewart/real time with bill maher is my favorite shows. i've longed to be apart of www, im so trying too make up 4 lost time its made me physically ill. e-harmony is next move maybe i can find a wife? lots a love fellow Dailyshowers/realtimers back from oblivion this is Paul V. aka(cash).from tacoma washington, im alive!!!!!!
by pbv426

bracket buster

Many conservative news pundits, who began slinging crap and labels like 'socialist' even before the new administration took office, seem to be disappointed in every thing the administration does these days. Sadly, if you listen to many of them, they seem to be saying the same things that liberals were saying about the Bush administration just a few short months ago. The administration is lying. The administration's plan for solving the war can't and won't work. We'll be mired in the Middle East for decades. There isn't enough money to do the needed tasks.

Last evenings White House news conference proved that it's generally a slow transition from running for office to governance. Running for office, especially if one can cast themselves as an outsider, is often no more difficult than separating oneself from the competition and making the vague promises that voters want and need to hear. If you make anything more than vague promises during an election cycle, you're wasting time and likely unelectable. Governance, however, is much more difficult, if only because more folks are involved in the decision-making process. The new budget process illustrates this quite well.

The Obama administration can offer a road to balanced budgets all it wants, but ultimately Congress has to pass it. And the Congressional process, with its reliance on K street lobbyists and endless re-election financing is still ripe for pillaging the American dream. Everyone hates pork, unless it happens to be in their own district, and then it is a needed infrastructure enhancement.



There a saying in recovery, 'you didn't get in this mess overnight, so don't expect to get out of it overnight.' And it works on many levels. Personal and/or family relationships and/or hardships. The point being is don't expect this administration to solve our problems in the first 100 days. Hell, they'll be lucky if during the first few months of this administration they correctly identify the root cause of our problems and some reasonable approaches on how to solve them.

faceoff on facebook

Philip Seymour Hoffman discusses Facebook with Tom Cruise
Mission Impossible Facebook

tv time out? head back to sxsw

I don't look like I used to
I don't walk like I used to
I don't love like I used to
Oh I...
When I feel old

Can't do the things I...can't to the things I...used to,
'cause Oh I...I feel, feel, I feel old.
--Erika Wennerstrom, The Heartless Bastards

Next tv time out you might want to surf over and catch some of NPR's All Music Considered coverage of the recent SXSW You can only hear a handful of the nearly 2,000 bands that played at this year's SXSW festival but there's a decent sampling of indie music that's a lot more interesting than a mismatch.


Grinding Fat Possum rockers, The Hearless Bastards, turn in a charged set from Stubb's Bar-B-Q. The Avett Brothers throw down country cooking from North Carolian that'll put meat on your bones and a smile on your face. And Blind Pilot, the only band in recent history to tour on bikes, as in bicycles, serve sturdy, sweet pop songs for dessert. K'Naan provides some dancing afro-beat, rapping riffs from Mogadishu, Somalia by way of Canada with a detour through Harlem. A decent buffet at all-you-can eat prices.

As NPR's core audience ages, it's been trying new approaches (blogs, podcasts, and yes! even twitter) to attract younger audiences. Thus, for the past couple of years, NPR Music has been broadcasting, in cooperation with the Austin independent radio station KUT, live sets from SXSW. And NPR, likely thinking of that core audience who still writes checks, tends to focus on indie bands previously profiled on such stalwart shows as Morning Edition, All Things Considered, and Fresh Air. If you want to discover bands on your own you still going to have make your way to the local clubs or take a road trip to Austin and stand in line. Sounds like a plan but in the meantime...

K'Naan image by Chris Holden in Ottawa, 2007

blind pilot rides hands-off bars
radio k (minneapolis) sxsw coverage
100 bands from sxsw

madeline peyroux: visual reviews of aural entertainment

Madeline Peyroux and band (Larry Golding[organ];Jon Herrington[guitar];Ben Allison?[bass]Darren Beckett [percussion]@ the Folly Theater, Kansas City, 20 March 2009. Attendance ~1500
With Steve Poltz
tim finn review of the show
peyroux en français

other reviews in the series:
m.o.i.: rufus wainwright
m.o.i.: the wilders @ davey's uptown
m.o.i.: wee snuff
m.o.i.: jametone (j. ashley miller)
m.o.i.: eldar at jardines
m.o.i.: matisyahu @ grinders sculpture park
m.o.i.: eldar @ cccc
m.o.i.: elvis costello and the attractions
m.o.i.: the police
m.o.i.: the swell season
m.o.i.: anne-sophie mutter
m.o.i.: pat metheny trio
m.o.i.: mars volta and isabel bayrakdarian

how badly do you want it!

Either the world just keeps getting more hopeful, or stranger. Shepard Fairey, whose work, informed by constructivist, propaganda posters, frequently criticized the capitalistic notion of an unfettered free market, is designing the 2009 Saks Fifth Avenue Want It! campaign.

To Fairey's credit, the process began last September, before HOPE made everyone hopeful, and $15 of the $20 cost of one of his Want It! totes goes to the not-for-profit company HOPE (Helping Other People Everywhere). But don't you find it a little unsettling that someone who has made a reputation working around the edges of capitalism ends up making bags for a company whose idea of recreating itself revolves around trying to convince folks that rampant, wanton greed is a good thing.

I'm pretty sure we can expect Mr. Fairey to be making guest appearances on Gossip Girl in the near future.
a previous want it! campaign

how to win at everything, including march madness

Bracketology broken down to a hunch.
Don't bet the house. Unless it's already in foreclosure.


Seems as though betting on the office pool has done more to advance game theory statistics than most anything else. You can listen to those sports-talking blowhards drop hints about upset specials all you want, but just pony up your money right now 'cause I'm ready to take it.

My money and bracketology is backed by the combined power and wisdom of the Logistic Regression Markov Chain, Las Vegas odds, and a few secrets pulled from a hat. Are you ready for a schooling?

Every year some computer science engineer, or more likely a whole group of them, announce they've recently developed the most sophisticated computer model for predicting March Madness outcomes. Last year it was the Logistic Regression Markov Chain (LRMC) which is a fancy name for a multiple regression analysis.

Logistic Regression Markov Chain was developed and refined by researchers Joel Sokol, Paul Kvam and George Nemhauser who are optimization and statistics professors at the Stewart School of Industrial and Systems Engineering at Georgia Tech. I think what that really means is that you should never, ever, play poker against them.

LRMC is fairly simple. The data that goes into the model are scoreboard inputs, meaning everyone has easy access to them. The most obvious example of this is who won and who lost the game. Won-loss record is the one of the best predictors of who will win a head-to-head match. The rest of variables just help to further define the difference between the teams. Teams who kick ass all the time by racking up huge margins of victory are more likely to kick a new opponents ass. Seems pretty obvious doesn't it. LRMC throws in some other factors, like how well the team performed against tough opponents, home record, road record, etc.

Basically though, LRMC isn't that much different than a slew of other rankings, all using more or less the same basic strategy built around won-loss records and each with a few bells and whistles thrown in to try to find the magic piece of the puzzle. You can see them all side-by-side here(massey ratings). One good thing about this site is that you can begin to see how each model compares to other models. Look closely, they all pretty much match up. Why? They have to; they all use pretty much the same data!

The ranking systems can give you the big picture. In general, any team ranked higher than another team, would be expected to beat the one ranked lower. Anyone picking the higher seeds to win will correctly pick about 70 percent of the time; but generally you have to do better than that if you want the loot. In reality, very little separates the top teams from one another. So pray, tell me, how to make the tough choices and move into the range of 75-80 percent correct picks in order to obtain office bragging rights?

Vegas odds. There's a reason Vegas is always in the black. The public, as a whole, is good at predicting a winner. The number of bets placed, determines the odds, so the team with the highest odds is the best choice. The problem with Vegas odds is that they are a constantly moving target, the odds need to be re-evaluated after each round and your complete bracket is due by 11 am ET Thursday. Vegas odds do have the advantage of incorporating some intangibles, like near-home court advantage, injuries, suspensions, etc. One problem with Vegas odds is that every booking agency in Vegas makes their own odds and the public interest can be fueled by a big star. For example, a lot of money is moving on Oklahoma because of the publicity around Blake Griffith, likely the college player of the year, and the odds are increasing they'll win the show. Does this make Oklahoma a better team? No. But it might get the crowd behind them which can alter games. Find the latest Vegas futures odds here.

Lastly, it turns out once the teams have been reduced to eight (regional finals) you can just guess at the winners. There's a 50/50 chance of each team winning. Ranking, odds, none of this matters anymore. One guess is as good as the next. But, here's the problem for you my friend. Your bracket is due Thursday, so your guesses for the later rounds have to be made before you know who'll be playing. Your chances on each game would be even if you got to pick again after each round, which you probably don't. So how do you insure that you have the best chance of having the top 8? You go back to the rankings and the odds. This is your best chance to be in the mix. But how good is that?

Turns out the best models predict about 75 percent of the games. Actually, the models are built in reverse. They don't predict; they calibrate to past data. We try to use them like fortune tellers but they are not. Models explain the past to give us insight into the future. And if you read the statistical papers carefully, they generally talk only about how well they do with getting the final four teams right. They generally don't talk about how well they did with actually predicting the overall winner, because if they could do that with any degree of certainty, they wouldn't be slinging numbers for a living, they'd be slinging cash money at the bar.

So now you are down to eight? Maybe you have all eight, but then what? You still want to win to office pool. Time to pull the rabbit from the hat. And what's inside?

Any one's guess. No shit. That's the secret. Just guess. It's luck at this point. Even if you have correctly picked all teams in the final 8, there are still 24 possible combinations to get to a champion. You aren't that good. So just guess. But here's a thought. At this point, since it doesn't really matter and the most you stand to lose is what, five or ten bucks, then root, root, root for the home team if available. They just might win it all.

Who knows, next year's top model might just be Correlated Gaussian Methodology. But if you plan on being Top Office Dog, you'll still have to couple those fancy model predictions with a sophisticated Lucky Guess.

it's st. pat's day: sue a fairey

Fingerpointing in the art world now means lawsuits and countersuits.

Another lawsuit to go with those already filed.

Why wait? file your's today.