Brasilia--Today the Pope declared war on contemporary art and vowed to raise an army of Cardinals against Puppet Opera, Richard Serra retrospectives, and bananas on buildings. Pope Benedict suggested that contemporary art practitioners silently longed for realism although conceeded that the Church offered little in that regard.
The pope's declaration added to a growing list of prohibited catholic activities. These now include, but are certainly not limited to: marxism, capitalism, socialism, drugs, sex, rock and roll, popsicles, the television show 24, reruns of Friends, Law and Order, and PeeWee's Playhouse, and anything to do with Nascar, the National Hockey League, and Dancing with the Stars.
Pope Benedict suggested that those who disagreed with the edict should kiss his ring. His army of Cardinals were quick to oblige.