papal visit stirs sales of red hats

The Pope is coming, the Pope is coming! To America.
Those who don't know may want to bone up on the proper protocol for dressing the pope for every occassion (Yes, there are manuals on the subject). Lest we give away the baby in the basket, let's just say that dressing usually begins with a very large hat.

On a more personal note, if you are lucky enough to see the pope, the best thing you can do is wave. The pope is likely to wave back.

Sales of glass coffins may also increase in the wake of the Pope Benedict's visit.

elsewhere:
how to dress like the pope

whup ass on-a-stick

Pope Benedict chided President Bush today to be ever, more vigilant in the War on Contemporary Art. In a subdued ceremony, the Pope gave the President one of Roosevelt Wilkerson's, Moses's staffs (the 10 Commandments on-a-stick. isn't everything better on a stick?) and instructed the Commandment-in-Chief to go forth and bring to bear a little mercy upon the backs of the untoward and unrepentant. The President responded by giving him a taste of his own staff, which he affectionly calls Capt. America.

Papal Edict. This means war!

Brasilia--Today the Pope declared war on contemporary art and vowed to raise an army of Cardinals against Puppet Opera, Richard Serra retrospectives, and bananas on buildings. Pope Benedict suggested that contemporary art practitioners silently longed for realism although conceeded that the Church offered little in that regard.

The pope's declaration added to a growing list of prohibited catholic activities. These now include, but are certainly not limited to: marxism, capitalism, socialism, drugs, sex, rock and roll, popsicles, the television show 24, reruns of Friends, Law and Order, and PeeWee's Playhouse, and anything to do with Nascar, the National Hockey League, and Dancing with the Stars.

Pope Benedict suggested that those who disagreed with the edict should kiss his ring. His army of Cardinals were quick to oblige.