BALLOON. BALLOONNNN.
The Kansas City Royals mobilized a large contigency of reservists yesterday in a desperate attempt to stop their spiraling, abysmal decline toward another 100-loss season. Despite the still-smoking bat of their best player, Sluggrr, and the promise of young talent like Alex Gordon, Fernando Cortez, and Zack Greinke, the Royals still lack focus, intensity, and purpose. And pitching. And power. And an owner who gives a damn.
Prediction. A breakout year. They only lose 98.