barry us bonds and the chinese gold medal herbal mix

Spring training will soon be getting underway to alleviate the sufferings of our sports-addicted nation and with it, so will Barry US Bonds' perjury trial, set to begin March 1st. The timing couldn't be better for star-crazed fans as the Oscar shenanigans will have just ended and the celebrity culture will be looking for a new face to shine its bright light upon. Expect shots of Barry, a natty dresser with attitude, looking grim in Armani as he enters the court room. Bonds, who made almost as many enemies as he did fans during his playing years runs the risk of becoming the next Pete Rose - that of the greatest player of his generation who isn't in the Hall of Fame. The much blacker Bonds however, is much more likely to find himself behind bars, because in this country black men all too frequently have 3 options: 1) President (currently occupied); 2) play sports (Bonds is retired); or 3) prison.

Speaking of prison, some sheriff in South Carolina wants to send Michael Phelps to jail for taking a bong hit. Surely the county prosecutor has told Sheriff B. Fife that a picture of someone smoking a bong doesn't necessarily mean it was filled with marijuana, thus making conviction difficult. In Phelps' case, for example, it could have been filled with a special mix of Chinese herbs known affectionately as the Gold Medal Mix.

More importantly it would seem that perhaps Phelps illustrates that it's possible to win 8 Gold Medals (if you count all his Olymic and World Championships he has won 40 Gold medals) and still smoke a little reefer. Instead of using Phelps as an argument for more imprisonment in the land-of-the-free AND the criminal, perhaps we can use this to come to terms with the fact that there is no reason, other than our puritanical views, to not legalize this substance.

olympic proportions

Now that the Michael Phelps Olympics® has ended you can get on with being productive in your life. As much fun as it's been to watch someone invincible, here's a sad fact of life. The average American gains 4.5 lbs during the Olympics.

The reason for the weight gain are believed to be several. One, sitting on your ass and watching 6-8 hours of television a day isn't very healthy. Second, apparently watching world-class atheletes perform at levels well beyond the reach of the average Gallup poll respondent tends to increase one's metabolic rate, although not to the exent of the atheletes who are competing for 1 million dollars bonuses and the rights to wear an $800 swim suit.

Professional atheletes, like Phelps and Tour de France cyclists, consume 10,000-12,000 calories a day to provide the fuel they need to power their way through multiple competitions or over the Alpe D'Huez. If you're swimming 1500 meters just to warm up, or riding 150 kilometers a day to stay fit, you can pretty much eat anything you want. If you've skipped a few workouts this week to keep up with the Olympic coverage, you'd be better off dialing the nachos down a knotch since Americans who watch the Olympics tend to consume about 3,000 calories per day when 2,500 would do.