sarah palin resigns to attend michael jackson memorial concert

It has nothing to do with jokes by David Letterman. She did sound a little nutty (no, COMPLETELY INSANE!) during her press conference. Maybe she, like the Governor of South Carolina, has met her soul mate.


Image: Whitehouse Christmas Tree Farm, Whitehouse, OH

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sarah palin summer concert tour

palin set to endorse line of turkey processing equipment

Sarah Palin, in an attempt to pay off some campaign debts, replace her aging wardrobe, and earn extra Christmas money, has signed a deal to endorse a line of turkey processing equipment for the homemaker who doesn't yet have everything.

Said Palin, "Ya know. Here in this great state, where we're used to doing pretty much everything ourselves, without the help of the government, the outsiders, who like to tell everyone how to do things, well...we just have to do it ourselves, ya know, to get by, to feed our families and to do the peoples business...so we're used to this kind of stuff."

The equipment includes a 4-cone drainer - perfect for the multi-tasking homemaker who wants to collect the blood of victims as well as a machine that sucks the feathers from a turkey and immediately stuffs them into pillows. "Pillows. Now that's a good Christmas present. Everyone likes a good pillow. Everyone in my family is getting new pillows for Christmas" said the former candidate.

the GOP dies so that sarah palin can live

As one of the rising stars of the soon-to-be defunct version of the Grand Ole Party, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is scheduled to deliver a eulogy to the RNC at the National Republican Governors Conference today in Miami. At the conclusion of Palins' remarks, Governor's, spouses, and invited guests can take in a number of activities, including:

2:30 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. OPTIONAL ACTIVITIES (All Conference Attendees)
BOAT CRUISE
Guests will enjoy a leisurely cruise on the waters of the Atlantic.

DAY OF BEAUTY
The Professional Beauty Association will offer an afternoon of pampering to include manicures, pedicures, neck and shoulder massages. Participants will also learn about new products and beauty secrets.

ART DECO TOUR
The Art Deco District is America's only 20th Century historic district listed in the US National Register of Historic Places. A certified guide will lead guests on a ninety-minute walking tour to include the late, Gianni Versace's villa on Ocean Drive and historic hotels. Guests will observe the outside design elements and lobbies along with secluded courtyards. The tour will conclude at the Oriente in the Cordoza Hotel with the restaurant’s signature cocktail.
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Sadly, we had to make none up of these activities. You'll note, if you check out the Republican Governor's Conference website, there are no scheduled sessions on the economy, global climate change, or environmental issues.

something's happening here

...what it is ain't exactly clear.


If things go really bad on Tuesday, we'll still have satire.

mccain to freeze solid over the weekend

In an effort to prove that even though he doesn't have the intellectual curiosity to be President, but still has the mettle, McGruff the Crime Dog will freeze himself in a block of ice over the weekend. The cube is expected to melt in time for McCain to at least vote for himself on Tuesday even as independents continue to abandon his campaign. His VP-candidate, Sarah America, has agreed to campaign in McCain's stead and to occasionally stop, check the geezer's pulse, and feed him fresh-killed meat. Campaign insider's suggest that this event will only partial fulfill one of the Senator's fantasies - the one that includes an igloo, a bear-skin rug, and a sharply-dressed young woman.

fools gold

I'm half expecting that McGruff the Crime Dog will just go ahead and concede the election this week. During the weekend, Obama dominated the news cycles with an announcement by Republican heavyweight Colin Powell that he's endorsing a Democrat for President and chastising, on national television, the Republican base for being out-of-touch with core American Values. On top of that we had news that the Obama fund-raising juggernaut set another monthly record (3 times the old record) and attracted nearly 650,000 new members. In the month of September alone! Then Obama held rallies in St. Louis in KC that purportedly saw a combined attendance of 175,000 people.

What did the McCain campaign offer to counter this tidal wave of national enthusiasm? McCain held rallies on both sides of the state on Monday and drew less than 1/10 of the crowds that Obama drew. McCain, searching for a new low in a campaign of marked by lows, charged that a terrorist will soon drive the country into socialism.

The McCain camp also offered VP candidate Sarah Palin up to SNL where she mostly stood aside and watched Tina Fey, Alex Baldwin, and Amy Pollar repeatedly skewer Palin's lack of intellectual curiostity. It's one thing to be a court jester and quite another to be the campaign fool.

kids these days!

Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol, in an attempt to deflect attention from her mother's increasingly ridiculous and scandalous attempt at becoming Vice-President, recently pulled down her pants to paparazzi and revealed her latest tattoo. Seizing upon the biblical tone of the artwork, one bedazzled reporter, reportedly then asked Gov. Palin if the rumors that she had "Fly Boy Landing Strip" tattooed along her ass crack were true. The reporter was quickly seized by Secret Service agents and subsequently handed over to Palin family members. After brief questioning, the reporter was strapped face-down to the front of a Zamboni machine piloted by husband Todd who then slowly circled the hockey rink until the rude boy cried "wolf, wolf, wolf".

the impropriety and culture of miscreants

Hey! Today's the day we get to hear more about those small town values that Vice-Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, loves to yak about. The state of Alaska is set to release it's findings on how Gov. Palin did, or did not, use her office in a vindictive, vendetta against her former brother-in-law. Seems as though that when she couldn't get the head of the Alaska troopers to fire her brother, Gov. Palin fired the head of the troopers. I'm only surprised that Palin didn't have him stuffed, mounted, and displayed in her office as a warning to other detractors. Come to think of it, this might her plan for McCain after the election. Poor guy, he's getting ready to find out how Bob Dole felt being a sacrificial lamb for the Republican Party. And my friends, McCain is either too senile, too dumb, or too in love to even see it coming. But since he's such an American hero, he'll likely get his own wall!

Pity those folks back home who publicly denounced Palin during her brief walk down the red carpet of Disney's Main Street. They'll be plenty of blame to go around and certainly the Palins will be ready to bring it's full weight to bear against those who choose to stand against them.

an apple far from the tree

"Nice to meet you. Can I call you Joe?"

Thus the manipulation began. Sarah Palin would have you believe that she is just like the rest of America. She would have you believe that she's never met a sitting US Senator before (Sen. McGruff excepted) and she just wants to treat everyone like a dear friend spotted in the checkout line at Walmart. Wink! Wink!

Sarah Palin has 5 children. I'm glad the Palins are involved in their children's upbringing; they need to be. But that's probably where the similarities between the Palins and the most of America ends. The Palin family, with 7 members is more than double the size of the average American family (3.14).

Sarah Palin is the Governor of a state. Her husband is a commercial fisherman when he's not working for an oil company or racing a snowmobile through prisine wilderness. Between them they have a combined income of approximately $230,000 a year (Concord Monitor 10/2/2008). The median income for a 7-person family in Alaska (2006 data) is $71,250.

Governor Palin is also under investigation for improper use of her office in the firing of her former brother-in-law. Having a former brother-in-law makes her like most of America, being investigated makes her like many in the Bush Administration.

Palin would have you believe that she's apple pie when really she's tarte tatin.

low sparks

The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
--Steve Winwood, Low Spark of High Heeled Boys

I guess all you need to do anymore to try and convince folks that you've "won" a debate is to not sound like a blathering idiot for the full 90 minutes. Expectations couldn't have been lower and the Republicans sure worked hard over the last week to lower them. By not sounding like a simpleton for once, the pundits are rushing to assume Sarah America must stand for something important; anything that isn't a complete failure is seen as a win.

We've had 8 years of the C-student, maybe it's time to move up at least one letter grade.

lost in space

Offering 4 levels of difficulty and small town values, the White House Corn Maze (Whitehouse, Ohio), is offering Sarah Palin as the simplest one to date. The maze gained national attention when John McCain, after disappearing for much of last week, was discovered by the Secret Service wandering around lost in the vast open spaces of Palin's mind.

corny fun

liver failure

If everyone read the NYTimes, the Republicans wouldn't stand a chance come November. Should they read it, they might discover that half of the most emailed articles today were about the failings of Sarah Palin, John McCain, or both. The most damning of these was some pretty in-depth reporting on the how just exactly how Sarah Palin likes to conduct politics - that would be in secret and with a great deal of vengeance (see #9 below soon to be the most-emailed article!). No wonder Karl Rove's in love with her.

But they don't. No instead, many Americans are like the elderly over-weight group of white men and their families I sat across from in the Taco Bell in the hood yesterday while gathering a brief respite from Tropical Storm downpours that have pelted the Midwest for 3 days. Bubba, Bubba Jr., and Bubba brother-in-law were throwing around mocking phrases about "Barack Hussein" imitating Jesus and how, if elected, Barack, would surely have his Nigerian brother-in-law installed as Secretary of the Environment and gas prices would rise to $5 dollars a gallon. Forget the fact that that gas will reach $4.25 by the middle of next week, and that mocking Jesus, is well, kinda un-Christian for a bunch of conservative Christians. None of that matters when Sarah America will be on SNL field-dressing a caribou/moose/polar bear before the month's out.

Every day that the news is filled with hurricanes and soccer-moms is one less day that Americans have a chance to learn about the issues that face us in the very near future. All those windows blown from the Morgan Stanley building onto the sidewalks of Houston by Hurrican Ike might seem prescient in a 3 months when the economy is still woeful. All those opportunities to talk issues replaced by scary-ads about sex and kindergardeners mean we're losing the battle to educate our population. Every time the presidential election goes in the mud and comes up spitting bile the Republican win and the people lose.

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Most emailed articles from the NYTimes for Saturday, Sept. 13th.

1. Bob Herbert: She’s Not Ready
2. Editorial: Gov. Palin’s Worldview
3. Paul Krugman: Blizzard of Lies
4. McCain Barbs Stirring Outcry as Distortions
5. The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters
6. In Tangle of Young Lips, a Sex Rebellion in Chile
7. 36 Hours in San Francisco
8. Gail Collins: The Year of the Cloned Candidates
9. In Office, Palin Hired Friends and Hit Critics
10. The Bipolar Puzzle

playing politics is fun!

Awesome! I can't wait to display mine in a special diorama created expressly for the 2008 election. She'll be riding a gray wolf while shooting a polar bear with a harpoon. Trailing behind her in a snowmobile, will be a peckish, gray-haired, liver-spotted old man, who looks a little like a pig wearing lipstick.

who is sarah america palin?

Forget the softball questions from the likes of Charles Gibson. Want to find out who Sarah America really is? Then visit the dailysource.org web site. More information than you want and some you might just need.


Here's the video of Palin, as Governor, addressing a graduating class of divinity students at the Wasilla Assembly of Godin (her church at the time). It's the video where Palin has been fingered by some as saying some pretty inflammatory things such as, "God's will being done in Iraq", etc.

But if you watch the video, and check your outrage for a minute, you'll see she's just testifying they way they do in church, especially in an Assembly of God church. And she's talking to folks who will are getting ready to go preach to other folks so why expect her to suggest that the world is anything but God's will? Isn't she just underscoring the message taught to them in their school of divinity? Although I understand why she would say this to this crowd, my only real problem with the statement is that it sounds an awful lot like statements from others that go something like, "it's the will of Allah."

Yeah. Whatever. Seems like people do most of the damage in the world. Seems best to leave God/Allah out of it and work on yourself.

You might find her references to God offensive but they're really no different than the sermons of Rev. Wright whereby he condemns the shameful acts of America. You can argue all you want to about whether or not religion has a place in the White House or even in politics and I would very likely agree with you, but if you think Barack is going to leave Jesus behind and Joe Biden the Virgin Mary should they make it to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. then I think you're sadly mistaken.
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daily source: sarah palin
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On a slightly related note. When I heard Barack Obama's retelling of a very old country porcine saw my first thought was, "he must be talking about McCain!"