everyone is in complete agreement

This pair of teetotalers have 100 percent approval of the American people. Her Majesty weighs in with 80 percent while the tongue-tied Texan maintains a solid 20 percent. Here they share a toast of Potomac River Valley Special Reserve 2007.

prepare thyself

for the rising waters.

some kind of monster

Ceremonial wand. Presented to Bob Mann on his retirement from the environmental organization, Bridging the Gap.

2004. Cedar, wax, hemp twine, gold-leafed cicadas.

modesty the first casuality when stable of stars take to the track

Prince Charles, the Duke of Edinburgh, shown here with his trainer, Queen Elizabeth II, edged Star Jones for the largest hat @ the 133rd Run for the Roses held the first Saturday in May at the fabled Churchill Downs. Kid Rock, who blamed his poor showing on a run-in with the spirit of Anna Nicole Smith, finished a dismal 18th in the 20 horse field. It was the first win for the Queen Mother in more than 40 years on the circuit.

deliver us from the gathering storm

Deliver us from the gathering storm,

unworthy though we are.

Keep us living safe from harm,

and hold us in your arms.

Full of dread and dispair are we.

Sinless never more to be.

Deliver us from the gathering storm,

unworthy though we are.

Deliver us from the gathering storm,
and brighten all our nights.
Keep us from the hour of doom,
and guide us by your light.

Full of dread and dispair are we.
Sinless never more to be.
Deliver us from the gathering storm,
unworthy though we are.

(traditional)

Pray Mercy!

Jesus would find the Republican President candidates boring as hell and not very Christian.
Check out their stupidity when you have nothing else to do.

And their hair! What's with that Chip Douglas, my-three-sons, part that both the candidates and the reporters wear? You know there's a closet Uncle Charlie in all their closets. How else did McCain survive the pits of Hanoi Hilton for 5 years? And so what if he did? What he went through on the USS Forestal would made anyone rethink their life.

Sam Brownback thinks 90 minutes is a long time. His wife appeared a bit disappointed.

At least Rudy Guliani is likely to have sex with his wife after this event. The rest of them, yeeechhhh a scary, scary, scary thought - like your parents, you know they did it, how else to explain your existence, but how? Did they experiment? Ever? How about later in life? Experiment then? If Republicans can't dance, then how do they talk about sex? They must have sex, there's certainly enough of them. Do they consider praying forgiveness equivalent to a frank discussion about the topic?

Now this would liven up the Republicans. Nancy Reagen and Mitt Romney. Doesn't he need another wife? Even better. Mitt + Nancy + Hillary. Talk about coalition building. In the strictest Mormon sense of course.

Please moi implores you. Please no, have mercy! Moi knows you mean well. Moi loves the horses, the Old Kentucky Home, the Old Kentucky Bourbon, but do not transfer VT onto Barbarbo. Please no. Mercy. No. Please. No. Please. I beg of you.

Badge. Duck tape on recycled yogurt lid. ~2" x ~3". definitely post-911. guessing 2002. Will check the flow chart for art historians.

take this!

check out Alan Sparhark's version of Murderer on les concerts a emporter de la blogotheque. Concert #46. Haunting lyrics for recent mayhem.

also check out the harmonic simplicity and power of the band Low Low in a Paris bistro. Concert #36.

never seen a bear? nor a squeezebox on Ilse St. Louis? now you can. The Grizzly Bear. Concert #10 and Kria Brekkan, #26.

plus des concerts, allee!, vite, vite.

Cards to replace LaRussa with teetotalling midget dwarf

ok back to baseball. It's really early to be talking about baseball, the temperature is still way too cold here, it's rainy, so I won't really talk much about baseball. Instead let's talk about substance abuse and baseball. You heard it here first. Before the season ends, the Cardinals will have a new manager. Tony, who has his own problem with the sauce and with anger management issues won't last through his sentencing hearing, all the ugly revelations that are bubbling to the surface like a Boulevard Dry Stout over the last few days of Josh Hancocks life, and lack of contention by the defending World Champs in August. Hancock had 2, count ém 2, automobile accidents, whereby his car was totaled in the span of 3 days. One at 5:15 am and three days later the final one at 12:30 am. The Cardinals can hire the Defense Dept. to spin this one and eventually the story will emerge. Friendly fire indeed. Pat Tillman, meet Ira Louvin.

"The first time I hear insincerity, man, I'll start swinging this fungo bat" said LaRussa during a press conference when asked if alcohol was involved in the accident. Threatening fungo bats to a reporter's head for asking probing questions sounds like defensive posturing and one of the first steps and it isn't going to help his situation.

Walt Jocketty the Cards GM, who today stated the organization wasn't responsible for the actions of it's players (except when they are winning pennants) will change his mind if attendance suffers. And it will. People are fickle. They will drink at the game and then drive home. They will laud the conquering heroes, they will let the conquering heroes drink and drive, but when the conquering heroes show fraility they will disavow any knowledge of those actions and pillar them and spend their supplemental money at the bowling alley, softball park, or horse track if only for a summer.

all homeland is local

Some moi propaganda from the 2003 election. Injet on rag paper. Dimensions vary, this one 11" x 17".

painting the town orange

Kansas City has a new mayor today - the tallest in the land (7' 1") and perhaps the most transparent, Mark Funkhouser. He's promised to listen to the regular folks, not look down upon them, and open up government and I believe he's earnest. There is so much to do in the city in the next few years and trying to find the money and consensus to do it all, well let's hope those auditor skills, love for Abraham Lincoln, and risk-taking take root among all the people. Mark does believe, and repeatedly reminds everyone that the people own the government and THEY have to decide how to make their city a better place. The mayor can only facilitate the process. If you're a total kc politico-geek you can read or listen to his acceptance speech.

Did the previous mayor, Kay Barnes, ever quote anyone other than a sports figure during her tenue? Don't know, but moi is fairly certain that Mayor Barnes didn't quote Kennedy, Disraeli, and John Winthrop in the same speech. Here's to change.

workers of the world unite

Today is May Day. Don't be fooled into thinking this a holiday celebrating those with socialist, if not entirely communist, tendencies although it might be and don't be fooled into thinking this is some kind of remnant pagan ritual to celebrate summer, although it might be that as well. No, this is a holiday about YOU. YOU who toil daily at your job, your life, your attempts to raise a family, your attempts to pay the taxman. Celebrate the passage of Tax Freedom Day, which was yesterday this year. This one's for you and those who came before and stand with you to make the world a better place. So cheer up, do a dance, and have some fun. This world in your world. Make it a better place.

Today we celebrate, among others, the SpaceHijackers, a zany, fun group of anarchitects from London. SpaceHijackers work to transform public spaces, many of which have been co-opted by corporate, back into the realm of the public. Space Hijackers perform actions such as installing public benches in public spaces, holding midnight cricket test matches, and wearing t-shirts emblazed with EVERYTHING IN STORE HALF-PRICED TODAY to mall shops on Buy Nothing Day.

"Is everything instore really half price"

"That's what it says on the t-shirt madam!"

"Everything?"

"That's what it says"

All in good fun my friends. All in good fun.

moi would like to ring that duck's neck

The poison ivy, weeds, ticks, and humidity are on the rise. The river's up, but going down. The morels (and morals) are no where to be found. Summer's on the way.

Forget to mention this but last week I saw 12 ring-necked ducks, all adults, in breeding colors, on the MO. River in the Lisbon Chute. Besides being a first, seeing 12 (at different times) made the id pretty sound for the nascent birder that moi is. They were hanging out near the shore and as I slowly made my way upstream they would fly out over the water. Notice that the ring is on the bill, not the neck. Why? Search moi?

Photo Courtesy Toledo-Bend.Com

targets

Geez. Wake up this morning to my coffee, oatmeal, and daily dose of the NYTimes only to find that someone opened fire at a shopping center in Kansas City yesterday afternoon. Moi, who spent much of the beautiful spring (almost summer-like) day paddling on the Kansas River and who has no tv was oblivious to the mall mayhem happening in the city the day before. Apparently some middle-aged-white-guy with-a-gripe, mysteriously drawn to the Target logo, went psycho and started killing folks. I know there's the very occasional nutty South Korean out there, but if we want to stop these things from happening we really have to make it much more difficult for middle-aged-white-guys with-a-gripe to get guns because they ALL have anger management issues. Anger management issues and loaded weapons are not a safe mix! When are we going to learn this? The other option is to continue to pump the airwaves full of televised sports because for the most part this appears to keep the middle-aged-white-guy with-a-gripe safely esconsced on the couches where they belong and away from the rest of humanity.

guy walks into a bar

ok. Guy walks into his favorite bar and sits down, orders a beer, looks over and see's a man sitting at the end of the bar dressed in a cheerleader costume: makeup, earrings, lipstick, pompons on the bar, the whole getup. Bartender brings the guy his beer, the guy leans over the bar, ''psst, Joe, everyday I come in here after work, have my two beers, go home to my wife and kids, get up the next day and go back to work, the same thing over and over. Today, though, everything's the same except when I get to the bar, order my beer and then I look over and there's a man dressed up like a cheerleader at the end of the bar. whaddup' wit dat?" Bartender nonchalantly wipes the counter, takes the guy's money and says, ''some dude from Texas''.

Next day. Guy walks into the same bar after working all day, sits down and orders his beer from Joe the bartender. The guy takes a long pull off the beer, looks over and sees the same man from the day before sitting at the end of the bar except this time the man's wearing a kilt and he's got hammers, rulers, chalk line, pliers, all kinds of worker's gear hanging off the kilt, PLUS he's wearing a hardhat. When the guy see's this he can't help it, he coughs beer all over the counter. Joe comes over, wipes up the mess on the bar. Guy whispers. "Joe, uhhh, man at the end of the bar....?" Joe turns, shakes his head, walks away and mutters "some dude from Texas".

Very next day. Same guy walks into the same bar, sits in the same place, orders his same beer. Looks over, sees the seat at the end of the bar is unoccupied and let's out an audible sigh. "Long week?" Joe asks.

"Yeah," the guy says "helluva week. Thank God it's over. You know I just don't understand the world anymore, I used to, but now it seems that it's all topsy-turvy. Everywhere I turn seems there’s something new and crazy going all. Cross-dressers. Macho men in utili-kilts. Wars everywhere. I just don’t get it."

Bartender says, "hey buddy, this is America, people got a right to be whoever they want. Anybody wants to come in my bar is welcome and if you don't like the company you can leave! Think you can have a beer after work in Iraqi? Ever think about that?"
"You're right" the guy says, "I'm just stressed out. Long week."

Guy finishes his beer and orders an another. Pretty soon a beautiful woman comes into the bar and sits down right next to him. She orders a double martini, neat, which she proceeds to gulp. "Bartender" she points to the empty glass and makes a circle with her hand. Another double martini straight down the hatch. Again, "bartender!".

"Whoa, Nelly," the guy says, "I know it’s Friday but shouldn’t you take it a little slower?"

The woman turns, pulls the curls from over her eye, and weakly smiles. "Here’s to love."

"To love!" Their glasses klink. "Joe! Another round, this time I’ll have what this lovely lady is having."

"You don’t want that," the lady says. "No. No you don’t. You see, I just got a call from my husband who was stationed in the Green zone. A couple of nights ago they were on patrol and an IUD went off and blew shrapnel through the window. He was driving. Tore off his right arm, part of his left hand, half of his nose. He’s alive, but will never be the same."

"Oh my God, I so sorry" the guy says, puts his arm around her. "I thought we making progress over there? How does that stuff happen?"

Bartender tops off the martinis. Looks ém both in the eye and says, "I’ll tell you how it happens, it’s simple - some dude from Texas."

corporate politics or ballottine de choux farci et marrons

It's April 2007. The next Presidential election is November 2008. The campaign is in full swing and the media has begun to use labels like top-tier, mid-level, and LUZR to refer to candidates based not upon values, but upon jowl-lines and campaign contributions.

The Democrats held their first debate in South Carolina last evening and apparently Dennis Kucinic is still the only one among them who has a working knowledge of the U. S. Constitution. Obama, who may be articulate, is no Hillary, and Clinton, who may understand tragedy, is no Edwards.

At the annual Lincoln Day dinner in Des Moines, the only black person in town who cares about dumpy old white men was rounded up and forced to listen to drivel while eating bad hotel food. Afterwards he was forced to watch white folk try and dance to such foot stomping tunes as "Freebird"performed by Mike Huckabee's band. He left undecided.

Time to move to France?

switch-hitting behemoth

The 2007 Limited Edition Rookie Cards have just been released and as promised they are BIGGER and BETTER than any previous editions.

Did you know that over the last 20 years rookie cards have increased in value at rates that exceed those for gold bullion, the stock market, and blue and jazz 78's. We've taken the first step to MAXIMIZE your potential by increasing the size of this year's cards by more than an order of magnitude (dimensions vary slighty). These limited edtion cards are sure to standout in any collection.

2007 Limited Edition Rookie Card. Acrylic and polymer with found objects. Printed on 100% archivable, recycled materials. 24 in. x 48 in.

post-modern breakfast

Ingredient list.
8-10 fresh oysters, Blue Point, Apalachicola, Malpaque, etc.*
3-4 garlic cloves minced
2-3 slices challah bread (or substitute brioche), toasted
1/2 diced tomatoes, drained (retain liquid)
1/2 diced chopped red peppers
diced fresh jalenpanos to taste
1 T. high quality balsamic vinegar
fresh ground black pepper to taste
pinch of black tuffle salt
3-4 large eggs seasoned w/ black pepper and truffle salt and prepared for scrambling.

Procedure.
Shuck oysters, set aside (retain liquor and combine with tomato juice).
Heat butter and oil in saute pan.
Add garlic, peppers and quickly saute until tender.
Pour in liquor, tomato juice and reduce. Add balsamic. Continue reduction.
When liquid volume is reduced by 2/3's add oysters, turn off heat, and cover.
Scramble eggs (1 minute) until soft. This is precisely the amount of time it takes to plump the oysters. Do not overcook either! Immediately turn the eggs onto the toasted bread slices which have been arranged on plate.
Remove oysters, now plump and lay on eggs. Spoon sauce around edges.
Serve immediately with expresso or robust french press.
Serves 2 or 1 protein-starved adult.
Total cooking time with shucking, approximately 45 minutes.
*If you have very fresh and flavorful oysters, skip all remaining steps and enjoy raw on the half-shell.
m.o.i.: post-modern breakfast
elsewhere
m.o.i: standards updated
m.o.i: bison burger
m.o.i: chili 'n out
m.o.i: bioaccumulation
m.o.i.: inventory reduction dinner
m.o.i.: autumn trout
m.o.i.: life is corny
m.o.i.: purple food, purple food
m.o.i.: Fruit cobbler for breakfast?

a side dish of nyotaimori

The NY Times says that within 5 years they will no longer publish a paper copy. The Chicago Tribune has also made similar statements. Readers of the online version of the Times will surely have observed the changes that have begun to creep into the online coverage. The greater and greater reliance on TimesSelect articles (which require a subscription). More and more audio and video pieces are relayed daily. What's interesting about the video pieces is that from a journalistic standpoint, they are often much longer and more detailed than anything on television news. 5 minutes is an eternity on tv, but not so much time if you consider yourself a serious journalist.

Even Michael Kimmelman, who one imagines might believe that having to stoop to vlogs is a step down from 5000 word essays, has recently weighed in with a vlog about the re-opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art's Roman wing. This wing has been closed for 15 years for renovation. Only in NY could it take 15 years to renovate something, but as this vlog shows, it may have been worth the effort. Now, you can preview the wing from your desktop and be reminded of the importance of Hellenistic and Roman art to our culture. Kimmelman, ever the art critic/historian has covered all bases with the obligatory 5000 word essay. So gentle readers and viewers enjoy both or let everything loose and go for the full menage (there's also a slide show) .

Another vlog that I enjoy is the Minimalist, cooking by Times food columnist Mark Bittman. These weekly vlogs showcase short, easy, nutritious meals that can be done in 15-30 minutes. As one who cooks daily, sometimes 3 meals, I really enjoy these pieces. They are sort of an up-dated American version of Pierre Franey's 60-minute gourmet, although M. Franey, a former 3-star chef, would most likely be mortified (and M. Bittman estactic) by such a comparisions. Never-the-less, check it out, you'll find a delightful meal awaits you at the end. Much better than the Law and Order of the food channel, Emeril.

Next up. m.o.i.: post-modern breakfast
elsewhere
m.o.i: standards updated
m.o.i: bison burger
m.o.i: bioaccumulation
m.o.i.: inventory reduction dinner
m.o.i.: autumn trout
m.o.i.: life is corny
m.o.i.: purple food, purple food
m.o.i.: Fruit cobbler for breakfast?

introducing, in left field, starting for the first time...

Ok let's talk about something positive, regardless of what may have happened yesterday. I'm still processing that one and it hasn't been pretty, even for one far removed from the events.

Baseball. Early in the season. Everyone still full of hope. Your team has a chance to strut their stuff. Well, here's moi's early guide to the baseball season.

First place: Cardinals

Last place: Royals

Even though there's still plenty of season left, don't expect these numbers to change a whole lot. Why? Simple friends. You can't run a baseball team like a Walmart franchise. The Royals hopes of ever fielding a decent team largely went south with Mr. K, who although was definitely fond of money, apparently felt that he had enough of it to give large amounts away in other pursuits, but the big difference is that he really cared about winning. The Walmarkians, well, they apparently are as dumb as their stores, and just as full of quality merchandise. What happened to great Royals farm teams who developed talent? Don't whine about the small market franchise without looking at some of the other teams who play in similar sized markets. Minnesota? St. Louis? St. Louis is arguably the second-best franchise in sports (behind the Yankees) history. Why are they so good and the Royals so bad? Management.

Fear not, fearless fan. There's always something to cheer about if you love the game. Rookie Alex Gordon, off to a slow start but maybe he's the next George Brett? Maybe not. Let's hope he's as good as he was in the minors.

So here' in the spirit of a Walmart closeout is a "Limited Edition Rookie Card" from last year 2006. Dimensions vary slightly, ~4 in by ~6 in. This year's card will be out within the week.

So act now, before they are all gone.

hunting for morals in the knucklehead disparity

Today, after some scenic paddling on a stretch of the Kansas River above Edwardsville, I went morel hunting. My name for morel hunting, is moral hunting, because you almost never find morels but you almost always find a nice walk in the woods on a spring day, and the woods on a spring day can be a nice place to reexamine your morals. Of course there are many other locales where one could do this sort of thing, including your bathtub, or while cooking dinner, but I've always had a fondness for the spring-time morel-hunting walk for moral contemplation.

Now Kansas has some wacky right-of-way laws and since I wanted to paddle on the Kaw (read Kansas) River rather than the more likely morel-friendly MO River, I first did some google mapping to see if I could catch 2 birds (actually saw more than 2, of note: blue-winged teal) with one paddle. Low and behold, the google map analysis showed that at approximately 5 miles upstream from my put-in point there appeared to be a long stretch of land that lay between the railroad and the river and this stretch appeared wooded. Being stranded between the railroad right-of-way and the river I surmised that this land would have to be public from the edge of the railroad right-of-way to river's edge. I am not an expert in Kansas rights law, but when morels are involved chances sometimes have to be taken. Additionally, there appeared to be a dead-end road that went right to the edge of this property so it appeared that if I didn't make it to that area via the river, then I could drive to it and check it out.

So I had the nice paddle, a very nice paddle, and then with still plenty of sunlight, some previous days rain, and a warming trend, I thought this perfect morel weather can't be lost. So off Trex and I go to find morels.

I dream that someday Trex will actually be able to find morels but first we have to find them before I can train them in the art of smelling them out. Anyway, long story short, we found no morels. But we did find morals. Or dare I say, the lack of them.

Along this Burlington Northern Sante Fe R.R. (BNSF) right-of-way I first began to notice that telephone poles had been cut down along the edge of an unimproved access road that ran parallel to the tracks. The poles had been cut flush with the ground and on the other side of the tracks, there appeared to be a new underground fiber optice cable (Quest Communications). So the old way of doing things had been replaced with a new one. No problem there. However, as I began to walk along the high cut bank, occassionally I would peer over the edge and out onto the Kaw River. This is the last really scenic stretch of the river before it begins to open up on the greater Kansas City metropolitan area. And I began to see telephone poles down along the embankment. At first I thought nothing of it, but then I began to see more and more of them. And then I came across an area where the line of trees had been bull-dozed to make room for makeshift road and then I began to see that what they'd done was make a road so that they could go to the edge of the river and push their old telephone poles off so that they'd be carried off by the next high water event. Ingenious don't you think? Illegal also. I pretty sure of that. There it was, staring me in the face again, the knucklehead disparity.

What is the knucklehead disparity? It's the growing gap between the informed (but less inclined to pro-creation) environmentals and the knuckleheads, who don't practice good stewardship (and practice birth control to a lesser extent than the environmentalists).

You can see evidence of the knucklehead disparity in many places. More hybrid cars on the road right? Must be a good sign. Well, sales of huge trucks, SUVs, and gas-guzzlers still outpace those of the fuel-efficient hybrids. Green development on a small footprint. Nice idea. Now go check out what's really happening. More and more and more mindless, unsustainable development. Local, organic food. Another great idea and growing all the time, most every store now has an organic section and farmer's market get more and more plentiful. Then why do so many people shop at Costco and Walmart? Again, it's the knucklehead disparity at play. And the solution is so simple my friends.

DON'T BE A KNUCKLHEAD!